How does anyone find a house here? OR Did the English coin the term moron?

I'd like to preface this post by saying I've bought two houses myself, helped several friends buy houses, and I have a couple of American friends who are real estate agents. I have even looked at buying property in other countries; countries where communism is or was the official form of government. They still had better estate agents.

Funnily, my agent friends in the US say that all real estate agents are stupid (their word choice). But I really want them to come and visit here because I think I can say without hesitation that the "estate agents" in the United Kingdom are seemingly the people in the country least motivated to sell a house, help anyone buy a house, or give any fucks about the whole real estate market. The level of service is appalling. Lord help you if you are a British person trying to sell a home because these people are not your friends.

How have I reached this conclusion? Well, here are but a few examples of baffling things.

I have emailed an estate agent after a viewing stating that I was quite interested in the property but had a few questions. The house had been on the market awhile. It is still on the market. And here's why - no one ever wrote me back. No one called me. No one tried to call or email me in any way despite the fact that my husband and I were outspoken in our appreciation of the house. We in fact said, "This is the best place we have seen." No calls. No emails. No sale.

There is an estate agent who I've met twice now who never knows my name, even though he has made the viewings appointments with me, twice. He probably has it written down on a piece of paper in his hand but perhaps he is not motivated enough to read. He also never follows up after a viewing. Never asks during the viewing if I have questions or if I am interested. The most recent house I saw that this agent was meant to be representing had not been well cleaned or even dusted before the viewing. That of course might be down to the property owners but there were literally cobwebs across the top of a door jam, hanging down. Oh and the house was listed for over six hundred thousand pounds. Yeah. Bring your own duster mate.

An agent told me I would not "disregret" making even a quite low offer on a house he was representing. Dis. Regret. DIS. What?!

I have emailed about numerous properties and had no answers or answers that were about other properties or been told a house was sold when it was not. I have seen a sold sign outside of a house I was coming to view and therein told an offer had been accepted three days ago but they were still showing it just in case. Which is probably down to me looking in an area of England that is insanely competitive (see expensive but dirty house above), but still. Three days ago? So, the day I made the appointment to see it.

Every agency I email immediately puts me on a list-serve and starts sending me house listings. That would be ok with me if the listings were related to my search. I think some places do it based on price while other on size of home while still others simply send you things if you appear to be a human who has email. I have received notices about properties in other counties (that's like getting notices about places in another state for my American readers). I have been told about a great, brand new place 45 miles away. Also for two bedroom apartments having expressly said I am looking for three bedrooms houses.

It is comical. But it is also just insane. There are nothing but reports of inflated house prices. Reports on how hard it is to get a mortgage. Reports on housing shortages and government schemes to get people to buy houses. Competition abounds. It is a sellers market except that it is a buyers market because no one can afford these places. It seems there is zero competition here between agencies. There are no buyer's agents as far as I can tell. You're just at the mercy of people who appear to have no clue what running a business means. I suppose houses do just sell themselves to a degree. But good gracious these folks are just clueless.*

I will continue to to search; praying that should I find a house I want, someone might possess the mental facility to sell it to me.

*note this is the clean version of what I think of all of this fucked up, sociopathic cockery.