But I have something different to say about that -
I had a dream. And now it's over. That is Okay.
In other words
Because, in truth I've had a couple of dreams over the course of my life so far and the fact that none of them came true, or at least in the way I envisaged, is something I am thankful for every day. Just because when I was 19 I said I was going to be a film director, not have kids, and definitely not associate too much with British people doesn't mean that I've betrayed all that is holy by dumping Hollywood, having two pretty great kiddos, and moving to England (where, in case you didn't know, a lot of British people live).
When I was 9, I wanted to be an astronaut/pilot the space shuttle. But when I went to SpaceCamp and was spun around, promptly hurling my guts out, no one said, "You can't give up on being a pilot now. You said it was your dream!" No one said that because the facts were pretty clear that piloting was not in my motion-sickness-prone future.
My desire to work in film was really only slightly more developed and rooted in reality than my astronaut aspirations. I didn't research the gig or map out how I'd get to the Oscars. I had no idea how to be a director and, let's be honest, I wasn't entirely sure what directors even did until I was on a set wondering why the quiet dude in the baseball hat with a scruffy beard seemed in charge. Turns out, the things I enjoyed most about working in film were research, travel, organizing, and telling people what to do. I'm good at those things. A skill set with multiple applications I'm happy to say; including child rearing. Who knew?!
Another reason I've been mulling this idea, because I realize I've posted about this before elsewhere, is that in the loooonnnnggg lead up to the American election next year, the term "America Dream" (hence forth know as the AD) is getting bandied about even more than usual, which is saying something. The basic AD is having a successful career; one that allows you to live in a suburban dwelling you own, provide for your nuclear family, and retire in security. A problem I have always seen with the AD though is that it's a working class dream. A plumber's dream. A middle management dream. If you're someone who wants to get a job, work 40-50hours a week, have 2.5 kids, and go to Florida every summer, it might work out great. That kind of job and life profile is less and less the norm. It's less and less profitable and even possible for far too many Americans. I know people who work over 50 hours a week or have two jobs or slog through a gig they actively hate. All to afford a home. The partner, kids, and vacations are aspirational or if they have those, the work becomes something they have to constantly stress about - keeping the job, getting the raise, finding a way to out shine the next guy, so they don't lose it. I hear you saying it, "the rat race." And I hear you too, socially conscious friends, saying this is a white-people/middle-class problem. Obviously that's true. I acknowledge I'm talking about a specific class and even ethic perspective here. This is a non-fiction blog, so I can't be other than I am and expanding this discussion to a broader experience would take YEARS to compose.
I'm not saying quit the rat race. I'm not even saying give up on your dream or the AD. However, I will say that we'd all do well to remember that we are not obligated to run. Each of us has choices to make in our lives. We can choose our priorities and how we wish to live day to day. I encourage you to think about what you value that has no price tag. What do you need that will one day pass away? Does your work compliment your life or does it only take away from your ability to enjoy your experiences?
I've gone in a circle, but I've also change the color and the tone of that circle. It is smaller than it used to be but no less bright.
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