In defense of Gwyneth Paltrow

Yes, yes, I know. You are likely in one of two camps; either you have no idea what I am talking about OR you think her largely indefensible.

For those with no idea, please read this OpenLetter by a Mackenzie Dawson to Gwyneth Paltrow regarding something foolish she said to E! in an interview.

For those who don't like to read but are somehow struggling through my blog, the basics are as follows. GP said that a working mom probably has it easier than a movie star when it comes to the whole having a job while raising kids thing because you have a routine and you can be home in the morning and at night. She said that when she doesn't show up for a school pick up, “it's like, where were you?” The open letter is a reply that drips sarcasm and implies that if one has lots of money, one can no longer be in any way torn between work life and home life, since money solves all of life's problems and as GP is absolutely loaded, she can't complain about having a hard time with her kids. The author describes her home life a little and emphasizes her hardships. The open letter never once mentions parent-child relationships as an issue, which was, I think, more along the lines of what Gwyneth was talking about.  

Dear Gwyneth and Mackenzie - you are both wrong. And you neither of you understands or is seemingly interested in supporting other mothers. Shame on you. 

Look, I'm no great fan of Ms.Paltrow and don't get me started on GOOP, but what she is saying, having read the original interview, is that as her children have gotten older it has gotten harder to be away from them and acknowledges that she has agency in the situation, "I set it up in a way that makes it difficult." I imagine they question her more when she is way, when she can't answer the phone and when she cannot be at school pick ups. Because at their age (7 and 9), they don't care that their mom is celebrity and that her work brings them a life of comfort. They want mom to be there. And despite what the Kardashians have led the world to believe, being an actual working actress mom, which GP is, does entail long hours, trips away (and not always to LA, to the glories of Wisconsin too), time when one is unable to answer phone calls, etc. She limits her work to once a year and does so to spend more time with her kids, according to her own words, and of course she also does it because she probably likes it and likes having the money that comes with it. That GP doesn't acknowledge her lifestyle is certainly unattractive to those of us without her level of privilege but it may also have been left out. You don't imagine that E! thought posting just that snippet of the interview would go unnoticed? That they had no inkling of the furor that might arise? Then you're more foolish than Ms.Paltrow.

Does she have a choice? Sure she does. We all* have a choice. Reality TV makes working in “the industry” look like sitting around reading magazines and being pampered. I'm sorry to shatter you, but for those trying to achieve “celebrity”, that's not really what it is like. At least not as a working actor, even a celebrity one. The fact that actors are insanely compensated for their work is not their fault (per se) and while enviable it does not mean that they lose the right to struggle with work-life balance or to find parenting a challenge. 

If you love your career and you love your children, you are allowed to have emotional struggles and be challenged by them. What Ms.Dawson fails to see is that GP is a whole person, not just a wad of cash wrapped in too little skin wearing expensive short shorts. What GP really fails to do is “consciously” know that most if not all working mothers have a hard time balancing their career choices and their roles as mothers and that her issues are not unique just because she has a unique job. Time is on none of our sides ladies and you'd both do better to perhaps lend a voice to working mother's rights rather than focus solely on your own situation.

*when I say “all”, I am absolutely am only referring to upper middle class and upper class moms who have chosen not only to have kids but to work as well. I don't know Mackenzie's circumstances, but as her open letter was published rather quickly, I'm guessing she's a journalist or related to the industry in some way and she is not struggling to support a family on 20k a year. When GP made her statement, I don't think she was thinking about middle class and/or poorer women. That's another fault of hers to be sure but not one I am interested in here.